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The Foolish Dictionary, a non-fiction book by Gideon Wurdz |
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_ A word to the wise is useless. =EAGLE= The national bird of a Christian country; (the United States.) Presumably chosen on account of its being a bird of pray. * * * * * =EARL= A title of nobility. =EARLY= A title of stupidity. See old saw, "Early to bed and early to rise, Makes a man a farmer!" * * * * * =EARTH= A solid substance, much desired by the seasick. * * * * * =ECHO= The only thing that can cheat a woman out of the last word. * * * * * =ECONOMY= Denying ourselves a necessary to-day in order to buy a luxury to-morrow. * * * * * =EGG= A wholesome, yet fowl, product, of no use until broken. Sometimes a cure for indigestion or bad acting. * * * * * =ELECTION= A periodical picnic for the American People. Held in booths, where the Voter puts in his ballot, and The Machine elects whatever it chooses. A day when the lowliest may make their mark and even beggars may ride; when the Glad Mit gets promiscuous and everything is full--particularly the lodging-houses. * * * * * =ENCORE= A greedy theatre-goer's desire to get more than his money's worth. From the Fr. en, among, and cochon, pig,--common among pigs. * * * * * =ENGAGEMENT= In war, a battle. In love, the salubrious calm that precedes the real hostilities. * * * * * =ENTHUSIAST= One who preaches four times as much as he believes and believes four times as much as a sane man ought to. * * * * * =EPITAPH= A statement that usually lies above about the one who lies beneath. * * * * * =EQUATOR= An imaginary line around the earth. Recently held by J.P. Morgan. * * * * * =ERR= To make a mistake. =ERRATIC= Full of mistakes. * * * * * =ETHER= One of the world's three great composers--the others being Gas and Chloroform--whose airs are popular among the suffering. * * * * * =ETIQUETTE= A convenient code of conduct which makes Lying a virtue and Snobbishness a righteous deed. * * * * * =EVOLUTION= A clever trick performed by one Darwin, who made a monkey of Adam. * * * * * =EXCURSION= From ex. former, and Grk. kairo, to enjoy. Hence, a tiresome journey--formerly an enjoyment--sold at half price. * * * * * =EXERCISE= Bodily exertion requiring a $10,000 gymnasium, a ten-acre lot and impossible raiment. Originally confined to the wash-tub and the wood-pile. * * * * * =EXPANSION= A combination of Grand Larceny and Piracy, involving the destruction of the Constitution and Declaration of Independence.--Boston. The benevolent assimilation of previously oppressed peoples--Washington, D.C. A doubtful commercial experiment.--Wall Street. The white man's burden.--Kipling. * * * * * =EXPLOSION= A good chance to begin at the bottom and work up. * * * * * =EXPOSITION= An overgrown Department Store, usually opened a year or two behind time. It's never too late to spend. _ |
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