Epistle From Mr. Murray To Dr. Polidori

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Title:     Epistle From Mr. Murray To Dr. Polidori
Author: Lord Byron [More Titles by Byron]

[1]

DEAR Doctor, I have read your play,
Which is a good one in its way,--
Purges the eyes, and moves the bowels,
And drenches handkerchiefs like towels
With tears, that, in a flux of grief,
Afford hysterical relief
To shattered nerves and quickened pulses,
Which your catastrophe convulses.

I like your moral and machinery;
Your plot, too, has such scope for Scenery!
Your dialogue is apt and smart;
The play's concoction full of art;
Your hero raves, your heroine cries,
All stab, and every body dies.
In short, your tragedy would be
The very thing to hear and see:
And for a piece of publication,
If I decline on this occasion,
It is not that I am not sensible
To merits in themselves ostensible,
But--and I grieve to speak it--plays
Are drugs--mere drugs, Sir--now-a-days.
I had a heavy loss by _Manuel_--[2]
Too lucky if it prove not annual,--
And Sotheby, with his _Orestes_,[3]
(Which, by the way, the old Bore's best is),
Has lain so very long on hand,
That I despair of all demand;
I've advertised, but see my books,
Or only watch my Shopman's looks;--
Still _Ivan_, _Ina_,[4] and such lumber,
My back-shop glut, my shelves encumber.

There's Byron too, who once did better,
Has sent me, folded in a letter,
A sort of--it's no more a drama
Than _Darnley_, _Ivan_, or _Kehama_;
So altered since last year his pen is,
I think he's lost his wits at Venice.

* * * * *

* * * * *

In short, Sir, what with one and t' other,
I dare not venture on another.
I write in haste; excuse each blunder;
The Coaches through the street so thunder!
My room's so full--we've Gifford here
Reading MS., with Hookham Frere,
Pronouncing on the nouns and particles,
Of some of our forthcoming Articles.

The _Quarterly_--Ah, Sir, if you
Had but the Genius to review!--
A smart Critique upon St. Helena,
Or if you only would but tell in a
Short compass what--but to resume;
As I was saying, Sir, the Room--
The Room's so full of wits and bards,
Crabbes, Campbells, Crokers, Freres, and Wards
And others, neither bards nor wits:
My humble tenement admits
All persons in the dress of Gent.,
From Mr. Hammond to Dog Dent.[5]

A party dines with me to-day,
All clever men, who make their way:
Crabbe, Malcolm,[6] Hamilton,[7] and Chantrey,
Are all partakers of my pantry.
They're at this moment in discussion
On poor De Staël's late dissolution.
Her book,[8] they say, was in advance--
Pray Heaven, she tell the truth of France!
'T is said she certainly was married
To Rocca, and had twice miscarried,
No--not miscarried, I opine,--
But brought to bed at forty-nine.
Some say she died a Papist; some
Are of opinion that's a Hum;
I don't know that--the fellows Schlegel,[9]
Are very likely to inveigle
A dying person in compunction
To try th' extremity of Unction.
But peace be with her! for a woman
Her talents surely were uncommon,
Her Publisher (and Public too)
The hour of her demise may rue--
For never more within his shop he--
Pray--was not she interred at Coppet?
Thus run our time and tongues away;--
But, to return, Sir, to your play:
Sorry, Sir, but I cannot deal,
Unless 't were acted by O'Neill.
My hands are full--my head so busy,
I'm almost dead--and always dizzy;
And so, with endless truth and hurry,
Dear Doctor, I am yours,

JOHN MURRAY.

August 21, 1817.
[First published, _Letters and Journals_, 1830, ii. 139-141. Lines 67-82 first published, _Letters_, 1900, iv. 161.]

FOOTNOTES:

[1] ["By the way," writes Murray, Aug. 5, 1817 (_Memoir, etc._, i. 386), "Polidori has sent me his tragedy! Do me the kindness to send by return of post a _delicate_ declension of it, which I engage faithfully to copy."

"I never," said Byron, "was much more disgusted with any human production than with the eternal nonsense, and _tracasseries_, and emptiness, and ill-humour, and vanity of this young person; but he has some talent, and is a man of honour, and has dispositions of amendment. Therefore use your interest for him, for he is improved and improvable;" and, in a letter to Murray, Aug. 21, 1817, "You want a 'civil and delicate declension' for the medical tragedy? Take it."--For J.W. Polidori (1795-1821), see _Letters_, 1899, iii, 284 _note_ I.]

[2] [Maturin's second tragedy, _Manuel_, produced at Drury Lane, March 8, 1817, with Kean as "Manuel Count Valdis, failed, and after five nights was withdrawn." It was published in 1817. "It is," says Byron (letter to Murray, June 14, 1817), "the absurd work of a clever man."--_Letters_, 1900, iv. 134, and _note_ I.]

[3] [Sotheby published, in 1814, _Five Tragedies_, viz. "The Confession," "Orestes," "Ivan," "The Death of Darnley," and "Zamorin and Zama."]

[4] [_Ina, A Tragedy_, by Mrs. Wilmot [Barberina Ogle (1768-1854), daughter of Sir Chaloner Ogle], afterwards Lady Dacre, was produced at Drury Lane, April 22, 1815. Her "tragedy," writes Byron to Moore, April 23, 1815, "was last night damned." See _Letters_, 1898, ii. 332, _note_ 3, etc.; _ibid._, 1899, iii. 195, _note_ I.]

[5] [George Hammond (1763-1853) was a distinguished diplomatist, who twice (1795-1806 and 1807-1809) held the office of Under-secretary of State for Foreign Affairs. He is associated with the foundation of the _Anti-Jacobin_ and the _Quarterly Review_. In the drawing-room of Albemarle Street, he was Murray's "chief 4-o'clock man," until his official duties compelled him to settle at Paris.--_Letters_, 1900, iv. 160, _note_ 1.

John Dent, M.P., a banker, was nicknamed "Dog Dent" because he was concerned in the introduction of the Dog-tax Bill in 1796. In 1802 he introduced a Bill to abolish bull-baiting.--_Ibid_]

[6] [Sir John Malcolm (1769-1833), soldier, administrator, and diplomatist, published (January, 1815) his _History of Persia.--Letters_, 1899, iii. 113, _note_ 1.]

[7] [For "Dark Hamilton," W.R. Hamilton (1777-1859), see _Childe Harold_, Canto II. stanza xiii. _var_. I, _Poetical Works_, 1899, ii. 108, _note_ 1. Lines 61, 62 were added October 12, 1817.]

[8] [Madame de Staël's _Considérations sur la Révolution Française_ was offered to Murray in June, 1816 (_Memoir, etc., 1891_, i. 316), and the sum of £4000 asked for the work. During the negotiations, Madame de Staël died (July 14, 1817), and the book was eventually published by Messrs. Baldwin and Cradock.--_Letters_, 1900, iv. 94, _note_.]

[9] [Byron and the elder Schlegel met at Copet, in 1816, but they did not take to each other. Byron "would not flatter him," perhaps because he did not appreciate or flatter Byron.]

[The end]
Lord Byron's poem: Epistle From Mr. Murray To Dr. Polidori

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