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Fruits of Culture: A Comedy in Four Acts, a play by Leo Tolstoy |
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Act 4 |
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_ ACT IV The same scene as in Act I. The next day. Two liveried footmen, Theodore Ivanitch and Gregory. FIRST FOOTMAN [with grey whiskers] Yours is the third house to-day. Thank goodness that all the at-homes are in this direction. Yours used to be on Thursdays. THEODORE IVANITCH. Yes, we changed to Saturday so as to be on the same day as the Golovkins and Grade von Grabes ... SECOND FOOTMAN. The Stcherbakofs do the thing well. There's refreshments for the footmen every time they've a ball. [The two Princesses, mother and daughter, come down the stairs
BETSY. I don't know. I must certainly go to the Shoúbins. And then there is the rehearsal. YOUNG PRINCESS. You'll have plenty of time. Do, please. _Ne nous fais pas faux bond._[14] Fedya and Koko will come. [Note 14: Do not disappoint us.] BETSY. _J'en ai par-dessus la tete de votre Koko._[15] [Note 15: BETSY. I have more than enough of your Koko.] YOUNG PRINCESS. I thought I should see him here. _Ordinairement il est d'une exactitude ..._[16] [Note 16: YOUNG PRINCESS. ... He is usually so very punctual ...] BETSY. He is sure to come. YOUNG PRINCESS. When I see you together, it always seems to me that he has either just proposed or is just going to propose. BETSY. Yes, I don't suppose it can be avoided. I shall have to go through with it. And it is so unpleasant! YOUNG PRINCESS. Poor Koko! He is head over ears in love. BETSY. _Cessez, les gens!_[17] [Note 17: BETSY. Cease; mind the servants!] [Young Princess sits down, talking in whispers. Gregory puts on her overshoes.] YOUNG PRINCESS. Well then, good-bye till this evening. BETSY. I'll try to come. OLD PRINCESS. Then tell your papa that I don't believe in anything of the kind, but will come to see his new medium. Only he must let me know when. Good afternoon, _ma toute belle_. [Kisses Betsy, and exit, followed by her daughter. Betsy goes upstairs]. GREGORY. I don't like putting on an old woman's overshoes for her; she can't stoop, can't see her shoe for her stomach, and keeps poking her foot in the wrong place. It's different with a young one; it's pleasant to take her foot in one's hand. SECOND FOOTMAN. Hear him! Making distinctions! FIRST FOOTMAN. It's not for us footmen to make such distinctions. GREGORY. Why shouldn't one make distinctions; are we not men? It's they think we don't understand! Just now they were deep in their talk, then they look at me, and at once it's "lay zhon!" SECOND FOOTMAN. And what's that? GREGORY. Oh, that means, "Don't talk, they understand!" It's the same at table. But I understand! You say, there's a difference? I say there is none. FIRST FOOTMAN. There is a great difference for those who understand. GREGORY. There is none at all. To-day I am a footman, and to-morrow I may be living no worse than they are. Has it never happened that they've married footmen? I'll go and have a smoke. [Exit]. SECOND FOOTMAN. That's a bold young man you've got. THEODORE IVANITCH. A worthless fellow, not fit for service. He used to be an office boy and has got spoilt. I advised them not to take him, but the mistress liked him. He looks well on the carriage when they drive out. FIRST FOOTMAN. I should like to send him to our Count; he'd put him in his place! Oh, he don't like those scatterbrains. "If you're a footman, be a footman and fulfil your calling." Such pride is not befitting. [Petristchef comes running downstairs, and takes out a cigarette.] PETRISTCHEF [deep in thought] Let's see, my second is the same as my first. Echo, a-co, co-coa. [Enter Koko Klingen, wearing his pince-nez] Ko-ko, co-coa. Cocoa tin, where do you spring from? KOKO KLINGEN. From the Stcherbakofs. You are always playing the fool ... PETRISTCHEF. No, listen to my charade. My first is the same as my second, my third may be cracked, my whole is like your pate. KOKO KLINGEN. I give it up. I've no time. PETRISTCHEF. Where else are you going? KOKO KLINGEN. Where? Of course to the Ivins, to practise for the concert. Then to the Shoúbins, and then to the rehearsal. You'll be there too, won't you? PETRISTCHEF. Most certainly. At the re-her-Sall and also at the re-her-Sarah. Why, at first I was a savage, and now I am both a savage and a general. KOKO KLINGEN. How did yesterday's seance go off? PETRISTCHEF. Screamingly funny! There was a peasant, and above all, it was all in the dark. Vovo cried like an infant, the Professor defined, and Marya Vasilevna refined. Such a lark! You ought to have been there. KOKO KLINGEN. I'm afraid, _mon cher_. You have a way of getting off with a jest, but I always feel that if I say a word, they'll construe it into a proposal. _Et ça ne m'arrange pas du tout, du tout. Mais du tout, du tout!_[18] [Note 18: And that won't suit me at all, at all! Not at all, at all!] PETRISTCHEF. Instead of a proposal, make a proposition, and receive a sentence! Well, I shall go in to Vovo's. If you'll call for me, we can go to the re-her-Sarah together. KOKO KLINGEN. I can't think how you can be friends with such a fool. He is so stupid,--a regular blockhead! PETRISTCHEF. And I am fond of him. I love Vovo, but ... "with a love so strange, ne'er towards him the path untrod shall be" ... [Exit into Vovo's room]. [Betsy comes down with a Lady. Koko bows significantly to Betsy.] BETSY [shaking Koko's hand without turning towards him. To Lady] You are acquainted? LADY. No. BETSY. Baron Klingen.... Why were you not here last night? KOKO KLINGEN. I could not come, I was engaged. BETSY. What a pity, it was so interesting! [Laughs] You should have seen what manifestations we had! Well, how is our charade getting on? KOKO KLINGEN. Oh, the verses for _mon second_ are ready. Nick composed the verses, and I the music. BETSY. What are they? What are they? Do tell me! KOKO KLINGEN. Wait a minute; how does it go?... Oh, the knight sings: "Oh, naught so beautiful as nature:
KOKO KLINGEN. My first is _Aero_, the name of a girl savage. BETSY. _Aero_, you see, is a savage who wished to devour the object of her love. [Laughs] She goes about lamenting, and sings-- "My appetite," KOKO KLINGEN [interrupts]-- "How can I fight," ... BETSY [chimes in]-- "Some one to chew I long.
"But even so ..." BETSY-- "No one to chew can find." KOKO KLINGEN-- "A raft sails by," BETSY-- "It cometh nigh;
"Two generals are we: And then, the refrain-- "By fate's hard decree,
BETSY. But just think how silly! KOKO KLINGEN. Yes, that's the charm of it! LADY. And who is to be Aero? BETSY. I am. And I have had a costume made, but mamma says it's "not decent." And it is not a bit less decent than a ball dress. [To Theodore Ivanitch] Is Bourdier's man here? THEODORE IVANITCH. Yes, he is waiting in the kitchen. LADY. Well, and how will you represent Aeronaut? BETSY. Oh, you'll see. I don't want to spoil the pleasure for you. _Au revoir._ LADY. Good-bye! [They bow. Exit Lady]. BETSY [to Koko Klingen] Come up to mamma. Betsy and Koko go upstairs. Jacob enters from servants' quarters,
JACOB [to Theodore Ivanitch] Couldn't you tell Gregory to help a bit! I'm ready to drop.... [Exit up the stairs]. FIRST FOOTMAN. That is a hard-working chap you've got there. THEODORE IVANITCH. Yes, a good fellow. But there now--he doesn't satisfy the mistress, she says his appearance is ungainly. And now they've gone and told tales about him for letting some peasants into the kitchen yesterday. It is a bad look-out: they may dismiss him. And he is a good fellow. SECOND FOOTMAN. What peasants were they? THEODORE IVANITCH. Peasants that had come from our Koursk village to buy some land. It was night, and they were our fellow-countrymen, one of them the father of the butler's assistant. Well, so they were asked into the kitchen. It so happened that there was thought-reading going on. Something was hidden in the kitchen, and all the gentlefolk came down, and the mistress saw the peasants. There was such a row! "How is this," she says; "these people may be infected, and they are let into the kitchen!" ... She is terribly afraid of this infection. [Enter Gregory.] THEODORE IVANITCH. Gregory, you go and help Jacob. I'll stay here. He can't manage alone. GREGORY. He's awkward, that's why he can't manage. [Exit]. FIRST FOOTMAN. And what is this new mania they have got? This infection!... So yours also is afraid of it? THEODORE IVANITCH. She fears it worse than fire! Our chief business, nowadays, is fumigating, washing, and sprinkling. FIRST FOOTMAN. I see. That's why there is such a stuffy smell here. [With animation] I don't know what we're coming to with these infection notions. It's just detestable! They seem to have forgotten the Lord. There's our master's sister, Princess Mosolova, her daughter was dying and, will you believe it, neither father nor mother would come near her! So she died without their having taken leave of her. And the daughter cried, and called them to say good-bye--but they didn't go! The doctor had discovered some infection or other! And yet their own maid and a trained nurse were with her, and nothing happened to them; they're still alive! [Enter Vasily Leoniditch and Petristchef from Vasily Leoniditch's room, smoking cigarettes.] PETRISTCHEF. Come along then, only I must take Koko--Cocoanut, with me. VASILY LEONIDITCH. Your Koko is a regular dolt; I can't bear him. A hare-brained fellow, a regular gad-about! Without any kind of occupation, eternally loafing around! Eh, what? PETRISTCHEF. Well, anyhow, wait a bit, I must say good-bye. VASILY LEONIDITCH. All right. And I will go and look at my dogs in the coachman's room. I've got a dog there that's so savage, the coachman said, he nearly ate him. PETRISTCHEF. Who ate whom? Did the coachman really eat the dog? VASILY LEONIDITCH. You are always at it! [Puts on outdoor things and goes out]. PETRISTCHEF [thoughtfully] Ma-kin-tosh, Co-co-tin.... Let's see. [Goes upstairs]. [Jacob runs across the stage.] THEODORE IVANITCH. What's the matter? JACOB. There is no more thin bread and butter. I said ... [Exit]. SECOND FOOTMAN. And then our master's little son fell ill, and they sent him at once to an hotel with his nurse, and there he died without his mother. FIRST FOOTMAN. They don't seem to fear sin! _I_ think you cannot escape from God anywhere. THEODORE IVANITCH. That's what I think. [Jacob runs upstairs with bread and butter.] FIRST FOOTMAN. One should consider too, that if we are to be afraid of everybody like that, we'd better shut ourselves up within four walls, as in a prison, and stick there! [Enter Tanya; she bows to the Footmen.] TANYA. Good afternoon. [Footmen bow.] TANYA. Theodore Ivanitch, I have a word to say to you. THEODORE IVANITCH. Well, what? TANYA. The peasants have come again, Theodore Ivanitch ... THEODORE IVANITCH. Well? I gave the paper to Simon. TANYA. I have given them the paper. They were that grateful! I can't say how! Now they only ask you to take the money. THEODORE IVANITCH. But where are they? TANYA. Here, by the porch. THEODORE IVANITCH. All right, I'll tell the master. TANYA. I have another request to you, dear Theodore Ivanitch. THEODORE IVANITCH. What now? TANYA. Why, don't you see, Theodore Ivanitch, I can't remain here any longer. Ask them to let me go. [Enter Jacob, running.] THEODORE IVANITCH [to Jacob] What d'you want? JACOB. Another samovar, and oranges. THEODORE IVANITCH. Ask the housekeeper. [Exit Jacob.] THEODORE IVANITCH [to Tanya] How is that? TANYA. Why, don't you see, my position is such ... JACOB [runs in] There are not enough oranges. THEODORE IVANITCH. Serve up as many as you've got [Exit Jacob]. Now's not the time! Just see what a bustle we are in. TANYA. But you know yourself, Theodore Ivanitch, there is no end to this bustle; one might wait for ever--you know yourself--and my affair is for life.... Dear Theodore Ivanitch, you have done me a good turn, be a father to me now, choose the right moment and tell her, or else she'll get angry and won't let me have my passport.[19] [Note 19: Employers have charge of the servants' passports,
TANYA. Why, Theodore Ivanitch, it's all settled now.... And I could go to my godmother's and get ready, and then after Easter we'd get married.[20] Do tell her, dear Theodore Ivanitch! [Note 20: See footnote, p. 28. It is customary for peasants
[An elderly Gentleman comes downstairs, puts on [Exit Tanya. Enter Jacob.] JACOB. Just fancy, Theodore Ivanitch, it's too bad! She wants to discharge me now! She says, "You break everything, and forget Frisk, and you let the peasants into the kitchen against my orders!" And you know very well that I knew nothing about it. Tatyana told me, "Take them into the kitchen"; how could I tell whose order it was? THEODORE IVANITCH. Did the mistress speak to you? JACOB. She's just spoken. Do speak up for me, Theodore Ivanitch! You see, my people in the country are only just getting on their feet, and suppose I lose my place, when shall I get another? Theodore Ivanitch, do, please! [Anna Pavlovna comes down with the old Countess, whom she
COUNTESS. If it were not for my illness, I should come oftener to see you. ANNA PAVLOVNA. You should really consult Peter Petrovitch. He is rough, but nobody can soothe one as he does. He is so clear, so simple. COUNTESS. Oh no, I shall keep to the one I am used to. ANNA PAVLOVNA. Pray, take care of yourself. COUNTESS. _Merci, mille fois merci._[21] [Note 21: COUNTESS. Thank you (for your hospitality), a thousand thanks.] [Gregory, dishevelled and excited, jumps out from the servants'
GREGORY. You rascal! I'll teach you how to fight, you scamp, you! ANNA PAVLOVNA. What do you mean? Do you think you are in a public-house? GREGORY. This coarse peasant makes life impossible for me. ANNA PAVLOVNA [provoked] You've lost your senses. Don't you see? [To Countess] _Merci, mille fois merci. A mardi!_[22] [Note 22: ANNA PAVLOVNA. Thank you (for coming to see us), [Exeunt Countess and First Footman.] ANNA PAVLOVNA [to Gregory] What is the meaning of this? GREGORY. Though I do occupy the position of a footman, still I won't allow every peasant to hit me; I have my pride too. ANNA PAVLOVNA. Why, what has happened? GREGORY. Why, this Simon of yours has got so brave, sitting with the gentlemen, that he wants to fight! ANNA PAVLOVNA. Why? What for? GREGORY. Heaven only knows! ANNA PAVLOVNA [to Simon] What is the meaning of it? SIMON. Why does he bother her? ANNA PAVLOVNA. What has happened? SIMON [smiles] Well, you see, he is always catching hold of Tanya, the lady's-maid, and she won't have it. Well, so I just moved him aside a bit, just so, with my hand. GREGORY. A nice little bit! He's almost caved my ribs in, and has torn my dress-coat, and he says, "The same power as came over me yesterday comes on me again," and he begins to squeeze me. ANNA PAVLOVNA [to Simon] How dare you fight in my house? THEODORE IVANITCH. May I explain it to you, ma'am? I must tell you Simon is not indifferent to Tanya, and is engaged to her. And Gregory--one must admit the truth--does not behave properly, nor honestly, to her. Well, so I suppose Simon got angry with him. GREGORY. Not at all! It is all his spite, because I have discovered their trickery. ANNA PAVLOVNA. What trickery? GREGORY. Why, at the seance. All those things, last night,--it was not Simon but Tanya who did them! I saw her getting out from under the sofa with my own eyes. ANNA PAVLOVNA. What is that? From under the sofa? GREGORY. I give you my word of honour. And it was she who threw the paper on the table. If it had not been for her the paper would not have been signed, nor the land sold to the peasants. ANNA PAVLOVNA. And you saw it yourself? GREGORY. With my own eyes. Shall I call her? She'll not deny it. ANNA PAVLOVNA. Yes, call her. [Exit Gregory.] [Noise behind the scenes. The voice of the Doorkeeper,
SECOND PEASANT. Where's the harm? We are not doing anything wrong. We only wish to pay the money! FIRST PEASANT. That's just it; as by laying on the signature the affair is come to a conclusion, we only wish to make payment with thanks. ANNA PAVLOVNA. Wait a bit with your thanks. It was all done by fraud! It is not settled yet. Not sold yet.... Leonid.... Call Leonid Fyodoritch. [Exit Doorkeeper]. Leonid Fyodoritch enters, but, seeing his wife
LEONID FYODORITCH. How? I don't understand who is deceiving? ANNA PAVLOVNA. You ought to be ashamed of yourself! You have grey hair, and you let yourself be deceived and laughed at like a silly boy. You grudge your son some three hundred roubles which his social position demands, and let yourself be tricked of thousands--like a fool! LEONID FYODORITCH. Now come, Annette, try to be calm. FIRST PEASANT. We are only come about the acceptation of the sum, for example ... THIRD PEASANT [taking out the money] Let us finish the matter, for Christ's sake! ANNA PAVLOVNA. Wait, wait! [Enter Tanya and Gregory.] ANNA PAVLOVNA [angrily] You were in the small drawing-room during the seance last night? [Tanya looks round at Theodore Ivanitch, Leonid Fyodoritch, and Simon, and sighs.] GREGORY. It's no use beating about the bush; I saw you myself ... ANNA PAVLOVNA. Tell me, were you there? I know all about it, so you'd better confess! I'll not do anything to you. I only want to expose him [pointing to Leonid Fyodoritch] your master.... Did you throw the paper on the table? TANYA. I don't know how to answer. Only one thing,--let me go home. [Enter Betsy unobserved.] ANNA PAVLOVNA [to Leonid Fyodoritch] There, you see! You are being made a fool of. [Illustration: FRUITS OF CULTURE. ACT IV. ANNA PAVLOVNA. There, you see! You are being made a fool of.] TANYA. Let me go home, Anna Pavlovna! ANNA PAVLOVNA. No, my dear! You may have caused us a loss of thousands of roubles. Land has been sold that ought not to be sold! TANYA. Let me go, Anna Pavlovna! ANNA PAVLOVNA. No; you'll have to answer for it! Such tricks won't do. We'll have you up before the Justice of the Peace! BETSY [comes forward] Let her go, mamma. Or, if you wish to have her tried, you must have me tried too! She and I did it together. ANNA PAVLOVNA. Well, of course, if _you_ have a hand in anything, what can one expect but the very worst results! [Enter the Professor.] PROFESSOR. How do you do, Anna Pavlovna? How do you do, Miss Betsy? Leonid Fyodoritch, I have brought you a report of the Thirteenth Congress of Spiritualists at Chicago. An amazing speech by Schmidt! LEONID FYODORITCH. Oh, that is interesting! ANNA PAVLOVNA. I will tell you something much more interesting! It turns out that both you and my husband were fooled by this girl! Betsy takes it on herself, but that is only to annoy me. It was an illiterate peasant girl who fooled you, and you believed it all. There were no mediumistic phenomena last night; it was she [pointing to Tanya] who did it! PROFESSOR [taking off his overcoat] What do you mean? ANNA PAVLOVNA. I mean that it was she who, in the dark, played on the guitar and beat my husband on the head and performed all your idiotic tricks--and she has just confessed! PROFESSOR [smiling] What does that prove? ANNA PAVLOVNA. It proves that your mediumism is--tomfoolery; that's what it proves! PROFESSOR. Because this young girl wished to deceive, we are to conclude that mediumism is "tomfoolery," as you are pleased to express it? [Smiles] A curious conclusion! Very possibly this young girl may have wished to deceive: that often occurs. She may even have done something; but then, what she did--_she_ did. But the manifestations of mediumistic energy still remain manifestations of _mediumistic_ energy! It is even very probable that what this young girl did, evoked (and so to say solicited) the manifestation of mediumistic energy,--giving it a definite form. ANNA PAVLOVNA. Another lecture! PROFESSOR [sternly] You say, Anna Pavlovna, that this girl, and perhaps this dear young lady also, did something; but the light we all saw, and, in the first case the fall, and in the second the rise of temperature, and Grossman's excitement and vibration--were those things also done by this girl? And these are facts, Anna Pavlovna, facts! No! Anna Pavlovna, there are things which must be investigated and fully understood before they can be talked about, things too serious, too serious ... LEONID FYODORITCH. And the child that Marya Vasilevna distinctly saw? Why, I saw it too.... That could not have been done by this girl. ANNA PAVLOVNA. You think yourself wise, but you are--a fool. LEONID FYODORITCH. Well, I'm going.... Alexey Vladimiritch, will you come? [Exit into his study]. PROFESSOR [shrugging his shoulders, follows] Oh, how far, how far, we still lag behind Western Europe! [Enter Jacob.] ANNA PAVLOVNA [following Leonid Fyodoritch with her eyes] He has been tricked like a fool, and he sees nothing! [To Jacob] What do you want? JACOB. How many persons am I to lay the table for? ANNA PAVLOVNA. For how many?... Theodore Ivanitch! Let him give up the silver plate to you. Be off, at once! It is all his fault! This man will bring me to my grave. Last night he nearly starved the dog that had done him no harm! And, as if that were not enough, he lets the infected peasants into the kitchen, and now they are here again! It is all his fault! Be off at once! Discharge him, discharge him! [To Simon] And you, horrid peasant, if you dare to have rows in my house again, I'll teach you! SECOND PEASANT. All right, if he is a horrid peasant there's no good keeping him; you'd better discharge him too, and there's an end of it. ANNA PAVLOVNA [while listening to him looks at Third Peasant] Only look! Why, he has a rash on his nose--a rash! He is ill; he is a hotbed of infection!! Did I not give orders, yesterday, that they were not to be allowed into the house, and here they are again? Drive them out! THEODORE IVANITCH. Then are we not to accept their money? ANNA PAVLOVNA. Their money? Oh yes, take their money; but they must be turned out at once, especially this one! He is quite rotten! THIRD PEASANT. That's not just, lady. God's my witness, it's not just! You'd better ask my old woman, let's say, whether I am rotten! I'm clear as crystal, let's say. ANNA PAVLOVNA. He talks!... Off, off with him! It's all to spite me!... Oh, I can't bear it, I can't!... Send for the doctor! [Runs away, sobbing. Exit also Jacob and Gregory]. TANYA [to Betsy] Miss Elizabeth, darling, what am I to do now? BETSY. Never mind, you go with them and I'll arrange it all. [Exit]. FIRST PEASANT. Well, your reverence, how about the reception of the sum now? SECOND PEASANT. Let us settle up, and go. THIRD PEASANT [fumbling with the packet of bank-notes] Had I known, I'd not have come for the world. It's worse than a fever! THEODORE IVANITCH [to Doorkeeper] Show them into my room. There's a counting-board there. I'll receive their money. Now go. DOORKEEPER. Come along. THEODORE IVANITCH. And it's Tanya you have to thank for it. But for her you'd not have had the land. FIRST PEASANT. That's just it. As she made the proposal, so she put it into effect. THIRD PEASANT. She's made men of us. Else what were we? We had so little land, no room to let a hen out, let's say, not to mention the cattle. Good-bye, dear! When you get to the village, come to us and eat honey. SECOND PEASANT. Let me get home and I'll start brewing the beer for the wedding! You will come? TANYA. Yes, I'll come, I'll come! [Shrieks] Simon, this is fine, isn't it? [Exeunt Peasants]. THEODORE IVANITCH. Well, Tanya, when you have your house I'll come to visit you. Will you welcome me? TANYA. Dear Theodore Ivanitch, just the same as we would our own father! [Embraces and kisses him]. [Curtain.] [THE END] _ |
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