THE EUROPEAN WAR

________________________________________________
_ [From the Buffalo Express, July 25, 1870.]

First Day
THE EUROPEAN WAR!!!

NO BATTLE YET!!!
HOSTILITIES IMMINENT!!!
TREMENDOUS EXCITEMENT.
AUSTRIA ARMING!
BERLIN, Tuesday.

No battle has been fought yet. But hostilities may burst forth any week.

There is tremendous excitement here over news from the front that two
companies of French soldiers are assembling there.

It is rumoured that Austria is arming--what with, is not known.

.......................

Second Day
THE EUROPEAN WAR

NO BATTLE YET!
FIGHTING IMMINENT.
AWFUL EXCITEMENT.
RUSSIA SIDES WITH PRUSSIA!
ENGLAND NEUTRAL!!
AUSTRIA NOT ARMING.
BERLIN, Wednesday.

No battle has been fought yet. However, all thoughtful men feel that the
land may be drenched with blood before the Summer is over.

There is an awful excitement here over the rumour that two companies of
Prussian troops have concentrated on the border. German confidence
remains unshaken!!

There is news to the effect that Russia espouses the cause of Prussia and
will bring 4,000,000 men to the field.

England proclaims strict neutrality.

The report that Austria is arming needs confirmation.

.........................

Third Day
THE EUROPEAN WAR

NO BATTLE YET!
BLOODSHED IMMINENT!!
ENORMOUS EXCITEMENT!!
INVASION OF PRUSSIA!!
INVASION OF FRANCE!!
RUSSIA SIDES WITH FRANCE.
ENGLAND STILL NEUTRAL!
FIRING HEARD!
THE EMPEROR TO TAKE COMMAND.
PARIS, Thursday.

No battle has been fought yet. But Field Marshal McMahon telegraphs thus
to the Emperor:

"If the Frinch army survoives until Christmas there'll be throuble.
Forninst this fact it would be sagacious if the divil wint the rounds of
his establishment to prepare for the occasion, and tuk the precaution to
warrum up the Prussian depairtment a bit agin the day.
MIKE."

There is an enormous state of excitement here over news from the front to
the effect that yesterday France and Prussia were simultaneously invaded
by the two bodies of troops which lately assembled on the border. Both
armies conducted their invasions secretly and are now hunting around for
each other on opposite sides of the border.

Russia espouses the cause of France. She will bring 200,000 men to the
field.

England continues to remain neutral.

Firing was heard yesterday in the direction of Blucherberg, and for a
while the excitement was intense. However the people reflected that the
country in that direction is uninhabitable, and impassable by anything
but birds, they became quiet again.

The Emperor sends his troops to the field with immense enthusiasm. He
will lead them in person, when they return.

.....................

Fourth Day
THE EUROPEAN WAR!

NO BATTLE YET!!
THE TROOPS GROWING OLD!
BUT BITTER STRIFE IMMINENT!
PRODIGIOUS EXCITEMENT!
THE INVASIONS SUCCESSFULLY ACCOMPLISHED
AND THE INVADERS SAFE!
RUSSIA SIDES WITH BOTH SIDES
ENGLAND WILL FIGHT BOTH!
LONDON, Friday.

No battle has been fought thus far, but a million impetuous soldiers are
gritting their teeth at each other across the border, and the most
serious fears entertained that if they do not die of old age first, there
will be bloodshed in this war yet.

The prodigious patriotic excitement goes on. In Prussia, per Prussian
telegrams, though contradicted from France. In France, per French
telegrams, though contradicted from Prussia.

The Prussian invasion of France was a magnificent success. The military
failed to find the French, but made good their return to Prussia without
the loss of a single man. The French invasion of Prussia is also
demonstrated to have been a brilliant and successful achievement. The
army failed to find the Prussians, but made good their return to the
Vaterland without bloodshed, after having invaded as much as they wanted
to.

There is glorious news from Russia to the effect that she will side with
both sides.

Also from England--she will fight both sides.

....................

LONDON, Thursday evening.

I rushed over too soon. I shall return home on Tuesday's steamer and
wait until the war begins. M. T. _

Read next: THE WILD MAN INTERVIEWED

Read previous: OUR PRECIOUS LUNATIC

Table of content of Curious Republic Of Gondour And Other Whimsical Sketches


GO TO TOP OF SCREEN

Post your review
Your review will be placed after the table of content of this book