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"If", a play by Lord Dunsany

ACT III - SCENE III

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_ The banqueting hall. A table along the
back. JOHN and MIRALDA seated with
notables of Al Shaldomir.

JOHN sits in the centre, with MIRALDA
on his right and, next to her, HAFIZ EL
ALCOLAHN.

MIRALDA [to JOHN]

You bade Daoud be present?

JOHN

Yes.

MIRALDA

He is not here.

JOHN

Daoud not here?

MIRALDA

No.

JOHN

Why?

MIRALDA

We all obey you, but not Daoud.

JOHN

I do not understand it.

A NOTABLE

The Shereef has frowned.

[Enter R. an OFFICER-AT-ARMS. He
halts at once and salutes with his sword,
then takes a side pace to his left, standing
against the wall, sword at the carry.

JOHN acknowledges salute by touching
his forehead with the inner tips of his
fingers.]

OFFICER-AT-ARMS

Soldiers of Al Shaldomir; with the
dance-step; march.

[Enter R. some men in single file;
uniform, pale green silks; swords at carry.
They advance in single file, in a slightly
serpentine way, deviating to their left a
little out of the straight and returning to it,
stepping neatly on the tips of their toes.
Their march is fantastic and odd without
being exactly funny.

The OFFICER-AT-ARMS falls in on their
left flank and marches about level with the
third or fourth man.
When he reaches the centre he gives
another word of command.]

OFFICER-AT-ARMS

With reverence: Salute.

[The actor who takes this part should
have been an officer or N. C. O.

JOHN stands up and acknowledges their
salute by touching his forehead with the
fingers of the right hand, palm turned
inwards.

Exeunt soldiers L. JOHN sits down.]

A NOTABLE

He does not smile this evening.

A WOMAN

The Shereef?

NOTABLE

He has not smiled.

[Enter R. ZABNOOL, a CONJURER, with
brass bowl. He bows. He walks to centre
opposite JOHN. He exhibits his bowl.]

ZABNOOL

Behold. The bowl is empty.

[ZABNOOL produces a snake.]

ZABNOOL

Ah, little servant of Death.

[He produces flowers.]

Flowers, master, flowers. All the way from
Nowhere.

[He produces birds.]

Birds, master. Birds from Nowhere.
Sing, sing to the Shereef. Sing the little
empty songs of the land of Nowhere.

[He seats himself on the ground facing
JOHN. He puts the bowl on the ground.
He places a piece of silk, with queer
designs on it over the bowl. He partly
draws the silk away with his left hand and
puts in his right. He brings out a young
crocodile and holds it by the neck.]

CONJURER

Behold, O Shereef; O people, behold; a
crocodile.

[He arises and bows to JOHN and wraps
up the crocodile in some drapery and walks
away. As he goes he addresses his
crocodile.]

O eater of lambs, O troubler of the rivers,
you sought to evade me in an empty bowl.
O thief, O appetite, you sought to evade the
Shereef. The Shereef has seen you, O vexer
of swimmers, O pig in armour, O . . .

[Exit.

SHABEESH, another CONJURER, rushes
on.]

SHABEESH

Bad man, master; he very, very bad man.

[He pushes ZABNOOL away roughly,
impetus of which carries ZABNOOL to the
wings.]

Very, very bad man, master.

MIRALDA [reprovingly]

Zabnool has amused us.

SHABEESH

He very, very bad man, lily lady. He get
crocodile from devil. From devil Poolyana,
lily lady. Very, very bad.

MIRALDA

He may call on devils if he amuse us,
Shabeesh.

SHABEESH

But Poolyana, my devil. He call on my
devil, lily lady. Very, very, very bad. My
devil Poolyana.

MIRALDA

Call on him yourself, Shabeesh. Amuse
us.

SHABEESH

Shall one devil serve two masters?

MIRALDA

Why not?

SHABEESH [beginning to wave priestly conjurer's
hands]

Very bad man go away. Go away, bad
man: go away, bad man. Poolyana not want
bad man: Poolyana only work for good man.
He mighty fine devil. Poolyana, Poolyana.
Big, black, fine, furry devil. Poolyana,
Poolyana, Poolyana. O fine, fat devil with big
angry tail. Poolyana, Poolyana, Poolyana.
Send me up fine young pig for the Shereef.
Poolyana, Poolyana. Lil yellow pig with
curly tail. [Small pig appears.] O
Poolyana, great Poolyana. Fine black fur and
grey fur underneath. Fine ferocious devil
you my devil, Poolyana. O, Poolyana,
Poolyana, Poolyana. Send me a big beast what
chew bad man's crocodile. Big beast with
big teeth, eat him like a worm.

[He has spread large silk handkerchief
on floor and is edging back from it in
alarm.]

Long nails in him toes, big like lion,
Poolyana. Send great smelly big beast--eat
up bad man's crocodile.

[At first stir of handkerchief SHABEESH
leaps in alarm.]

He come, he come. I see his teeth and
horns.

[Enter small live rabbit from trapdoor
under handkerchief.]

O, Poolyana, you big devil have your liddle
joke. You laugh at poor conjuring man.
You send him lil rabbit to eat big crocodile.
Bad Poolyana. Bad Poolyana.

[Whacks ground with stick.]

You plenty bad devil, Poolyana.

[Whacking it again. Handkerchief has
been thrown on ground again.
Handkerchief stirs slightly.]

No, no, Poolyana. You not bad devil.
You not bad devil. You plenty good devil,
Poolyana. No, no, no! Poor conjuring man
quite happy on muddy earth. No, Poolyana,
no! O, no, no, devil. O, no, no! Hell plenty
nice place for devil. Master! He not my
devil! He other man's devil!

JOHN

What's this noise? What's it about?
What's the matter?

SHABEESH [in utmost terror]

He coming, master! Coming!

ZABNOOL

Poolyana, Poolyana, Poolyana. Stay
down, stay down, Poolyana. Stay down in
nice warm hell, Poolyana. The Shereef want
no devil to-day.

[ZABNOOL before speaking returns to
centre and pats air over ground where
handkerchief lies.

Then SHABEESH and ZABNOOL come
together side by side and bow and smile
together toward the SHEREEF. Gold is
thrown to them, which ZABNOOL gathers
and hands to SHABEESH, who gives a share
back to ZABNOOL.]

A NOTABLE

The Shereef is silent.

[Enter three women R. in single file,
dancing, and carrying baskets full of pink
rose-leaves. They dance across, throwing
down rose-leaves, leaving a path of them
behind them. Exeunt L.]

A NOTABLE

Still he is silent.

MIRALDA

Why do you not speak?

JOHN

I do not wish to speak.

MIRALDA

Why?

[Enter OMAR with his zither.]

OMAR [singing]

Al Shaldomir, Al Shaldomir,
Birds sing thy praises night and day;
The nightingale in every wood,
Blackbirds in fields profound with may;
Birds sing of thee by every way.

Al Shaldomir, Al Shaldomir,
My heart is ringing with thee still
Though far away, O fairy fields,
My soul flies low by every hill
And misses not one daffodil.

Al Shaldomir, Al Shaldomir,
O mother of my roving dreams
Blue is the night above thy spires
And blue by myriads of streams
Paradise through thy gateway gleams.

MIRALDA

Why do you not wish to speak?

JOHN

You desire me to speak?

MIRALDA

No. They all wonder why you do not
speak; that is all.

JOHN

I will speak. They shall hear me.

MIRALDA

O, there is no need to.

JOHN

There is a need. [He rises.] People of
Shaldomir, behold I know your plottings.
I know the murmurings that you murmur
against me. When I sleep in my inner
chamber my ear is in the market, while I sit at
meat I hear men whisper far hence and know
their innermost thoughts. Hope not to
overcome me by your plans nor by any manner of
craftiness. My gods are gods of brass; none
have escaped them. They cannot be
overthrown. Of all men they favour my people.
Their hands reach out to the uttermost ends
of the earth. Take heed, for my gods are
terrible. I am the Shereef; if any dare
withstand me I will call on my gods and they shall
crush him utterly. They shall grind him into
the earth and trample him under, as though
he had not been. The uttermost parts have
feared the gods of the English. They reach
out, they destroy, there is no escape from
them. Be warned; for I do not permit any
to stand against me. The laws that I have
given you, you shall keep; there shall be no
other laws. Whoso murmurs shall know my
wrath and the wrath of my gods. Take heed,
I speak not twice. I spoke once to Hussein.
Hussein heard not; and Hussein is dead, his
ears are closed for ever. Hear, O people.

HAFIZ

O Shereef, we murmur not against you.

JOHN

I know thoughts and hear whispers. I
need not instruction, Hafiz.

HAFIZ

You exalt yourself over us as none did
aforetime.

JOHN

Yes. And I will exalt myself. I have been
Shereef hitherto, but now I will be king. Al
Shaldomir is less than I desire. I have ruled
too long over a little country. I will be the
equal of Persia. I will be king; I proclaim it.
The pass is mine; the mountains shall be
mine also. And he that rules the mountains
has mastery over all the plains beyond. If
the men of the plains will not own it let them
make ready; for my wrath will fall on them
in the hour when they think me afar, on a
night when they think I dream. I proclaim
myself king over . . .

[HAFIZ pulls out his flute and plays the
weird, strange tune. JOHN looks at him in
horrified anger.]

JOHN

The penalty is death! Death is the
punishment for what you do, Hafiz. You have
dared while I spoke. Hafiz, your contempt is
death. Go to Hussein. I, the king . . .
say it.

[DAOUD has entered R., bearing two
oars. DAOUD walks across, not looking
at JOHN. Exit by small door in L. near
back.

JOHN gives one look at the banqueters,
then he follows DAOUD. Exit.

All look astonished. Some rise and
peer. HAFIZ draws his knife.]

OMAR [singing]

Al Shaldomir, Al Shaldomir,
The nightingales that guard thy ways
Cease not to give thee, after God
And after Paradise, all praise,

CRIES [off]

Kill the unbeliever. Kill the dog. Kill the
Christian.

[Enter the SHEIK OF THE BISHAREENS,
followed by all his men.]

SHEIK

We are the Bishareens, master.

[MIRALDA standing up, right arm
akimbo, left arm pointing perfectly straight out
towards the small door, hand extended.]

MIRALDA

He is there.

[The BISHAREENS run off through the
little door.]

A NOTABLE

Not to interfere with old ways is wisest.

ANOTHER

Indeed, it would have been well for him.

[The BISHAREENS begin to return
looking all about them like disappointed
hounds.]

A BISHAREEN

He is not there, master.

HAFIZ

Not there? Not there? Why, there is no
door beyond. He must needs be there, and
his chief spy with him.

SHEIK [off]

He is not here.

MIRALDA [turning round and clawing the wall]

O, I was weary of him. I was weary of him.

HAFIZ

Be comforted, pearl of the morning; he is
gone.

MIRALDA

When I am weary of a man he must die.

[He embraces her knees.]

ZAGBOOLA [who has come on with a little crowd
that followed the BISHAREENS. She is
blind.]

Lead me to Hafiz. I am the mother of
Hafiz. Lead me to Hafiz. [They lead her
near.] Hafiz! Hafiz!

[She finds his shoulder and tries to drag
him away.]

HAFIZ

Go! Go! I have found the sole pearl of
the innermost deeps of the sea.

[He is kneeling and kissing MIRALDA's
hand. ZAGBOOLA wails.]

Curtain _

Read next: ACT IV: SCENE I

Read previous: ACT III: SCENE II

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