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Celibates, a fiction by George Augustus Moore |
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John Norton - Chapter 8 |
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_ JOHN NORTON CHAPTER VIII 'We play billiards here on Sunday, but you would think it wrong to do so.' 'But to-day is not Sunday.' 'No; I was only speaking in a general way. Yet I often wonder how you can feel satisfied with the protection your Church affords you against the miseries and trials of the world. A Protestant may believe pretty nearly as little or as much as he likes, whereas in our Church everything is defined; we know what we must believe to be saved. There is a sense of security in the Catholic Church which the Protestant has not.' 'Do you think so? That is because you do not know our Church,' replied Kitty, who was a little astonished at this sudden outburst. 'I feel quite happy and safe. I know that our Lord Jesus Christ died on the Cross to save us, and we have the Bible to guide us.' 'Yes, but the Bible without the interpretation of the Church is... may lead to error. For instance....' John stopped abruptly. Seized with a sudden scruple of conscience, he asked himself if he, in his own house, had a right to strive to undermine the faith of the daughter of his own friend. 'Go on,' cried Kitty, laughing. 'I know the Bible better than you, and if I break down I will ask father.' And as if to emphasise her intention, she hit her ball, which was close under the cushion, as hard as she could. John hailed the rent in the cloth as a deliverance, for in the discussion as to how it could be repaired the religious question was forgotten. And this idyll was lived about the beautiful Italian house, with its urns and pilasters; through the beautiful English park, with its elms now with the splendour of summer upon them; in the pleasure-grounds with their rosery, and the fountain where the rose-leaves float, and the woodpigeons come at eventide to drink; in the greenhouse with its live glare of geraniums, where the great yellow cat, so soft and beautiful, springs on Kitty's shoulder, rounds its back, and, purring, insists on caresses; in the large, clean stables where the horses munch the corn lazily, and look round with round inquiring eyes, and the rooks croak and flutter, and strut about Kitty's feet. One morning he said, as they went into the garden, 'You must sometimes feel a little lonely here... when I am away... all alone here with mother.' 'Oh dear no! we have lots to do. I look after the pets in the morning. I feed the cats and the rooks, and I see that the canaries have fresh water and seed. And then the bees take up a lot of our time. We have twenty-two hives. Mrs. Norton says she ought to make five pounds a year on each. Sometimes we lose a swarm or two, and then Mrs. Norton is cross. We were out for hours with the gardener the other day, but we could do no good; we could not get them out of that elm tree. You see that long branch leaning right over the wall; well, it was on that branch that they settled, and no ladder was tall enough to reach them; and when Bill climbed the tree and shook them out they flew right away. And in the afternoon we go out for drives; we pay visits. You never pay visits; you never go and call on your neighbours.' 'Oh, yes I do; I went the other day to see your father.' 'Ah yes, but that is only because he talks to you about Latin authors.' 'No, I assure you it isn't. Once I have finished my book I shall never look at them again.' 'Well, what will you do?' 'I don't know; it depends on circumstances.' What circumstances?' said Kitty, innocently. The words _'Whether you will or will not have me'_ rose to John's lips, but all power to speak them seemed to desert him; he had grown suddenly as weak as snow, and in an instant the occasion had passed. On another occasion they were walking in the park. 'I never would have believed, John, that you would care to go out for a walk with me.' 'And why, Kitty?' Kitty laughed--her short, sudden laugh was strange and sweet, and John's heart was beating. 'Well,' she said, without the faintest hesitation or shyness, 'we always thought you hated girls. I know I used to tease you when you came home for the first time, when you used to think of nothing but the Latin authors.' 'What do you mean?' Kitty laughed again. 'You promise not to tell?' 'I promise.' This was their first confidence. 'You told your mother when I came, when you were sitting by the fire reading, that the flutter of my skirts disturbed you.' 'No, Kitty; I'm sure you never disturbed me, or at least for a long time. I wish my mother would not repeat conversations; it is most unfair.' 'Mind, you promised not to repeat what I have told you. If you do, you will get me into an awful scrape.' 'I promise.' The conversation came to a pause. Kitty looked up; and, overtaken by a sudden nervousness, John said-- 'We had better make haste; the storm is coming on; we shall get wet through.' And he made no further attempt to screw his courage up to the point of proposing, but asked himself if his powerlessness was a sign from God that he was abandoning his true vocation for a false one? He knew that he would not propose. If he did he would break his engagement when it came to the point of marriage. He was as unfitted for marriage as he was for the priesthood. He had deceived himself about the priesthood, as he was now deceiving himself about marriage. No, not deceiving himself, for at the bottom of his heart he could hear the truth. Then, why did he continue this,--it was no better than a comedy, an unworthy comedy, from which he did not seem to be able to disentangle himself; he could not say why. He could not understand himself; his brain was on fire, and he knelt down to pray, but when he prayed the thought of bringing a soul home to the fold tempted him like a star, and he asked himself if Kitty had not, in some of their conversations, shown leanings toward Catholicism. If this were so would it be right to desert her in a critical moment? _ |
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