H

________________________________________________
_ Where there's a will there's a lawsuit.

=HAIR-DRESSER= A linguist whose position in life enables him to do his head-work with his hands.

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=HAMMER= A small, busy implement carried by blacksmiths, geologists and Knockers for breaking iron, rock or friendship.

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=HAMMOCK= From the Lat. hamus, hook, and Grk. makar, happy. Happiness on hooks. Also, a popular contrivance whereby love-making may be suspended but not stopped during the picnic season.

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=HAND= A much desired possession, supplied by The Damsel or The Dealer. =GLAD HAND=. The beggar's plea, the politician's sceptre and the drummer's ablest assistant.

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=HANDMAIDEN= A manicure.

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=HARANGUE= The tiresome product of a tireless tongue. From Eng. hear, and Lat. angor, pain. Painful to hear.

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=HARMONY= From the Grk. arnumi, strain. Hence, full of strains.

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=HASH=?

* * * * *

=HATCH= To develop eggs.

=HATCHWAY= Place for developing eggs; a hen-coop.

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=HAY-FEVER= A heart trouble caused by falling in love with a grass widow.

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=HEARSE= Seen on the dead.

=HEARSAY= Heard on the dead.

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=HEARSE= A handsome vehicle in which the man who has always been a tail-ender is finally permitted to lead the procession.

* * * * *

=HEART= A bloody organ, kept in a trunk, played by beats, and enjoyed only after it is lost or given away.

* * * * *

=HEAVE= To raise.

=HEAVEN= A good place to be raised to.

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=HEDGE= A fence.

=HEDGEHOG= One who hogs the fences. A Bill-Poster.

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=HELL= Poverty.

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=HEREDITY= The cause of all our faults. From Fr. here, wretch, and Eng. ditty, song. The song of the wretched.

* * * * *

=HEROISM= A transferable ticket to the Haul of Fame. Once held by Hobson and Dewey, now carried by Mother Eddy and Brother Dowie.

* * * * *

=HIP= A popular location for the retail liquor business.

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=HISTORY= The evil that men do.

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=HIT= A chance for first place, first base or first blood.

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=HOCK= v. t. To "soak" what we least need. In Germany, they generally "Hock the Kaiser."

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=HOMOEOPATHY= See Allopathy.

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=HOOT MON=! The Scottish National Hymn.

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=HOP= To skip.

=HOPPER= A skipper.

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=HOPE= A desire for better things to come that makes a grass widow willing to try it again. Also, a draft on futurity, sometimes honored, but generally extended.

* * * * *

=HORN= A sharp point.

=HORNET= Still sharper.

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=HORSE-SENSE= A degree of wisdom that keeps one from betting on the races.

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=HOSE= Man's excuse for wetting the walk.

=HOSIERY= Woman's excuse for walking in the wet.

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=HOTEL= A place where a guest often gives up good dollars for poor quarters.

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=HOUSECLEANING= A domestic upheaval that makes it easy for the government to enlist all the soldiers it needs.

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=HUG= A roundabout way of expressing affection.

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=HUMOR= An outbreak, either of skin or brains frequently branded as Rash.

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=HUNGER= Ability to eat in a Night Lunch Cart.

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=HUSBAND= The next thing to a wife. From Eng. hussy, woman, and bond, tie. Tied to a woman.

* * * * *

=HYDRANT= From Grk. hudros, water, and Eng. ante, to give up. Something that gives up water. (A good synonym for Dipsomaniac).

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=HYPOCRITE= A horse dealer. From Grk. hippos, horse, and kroteo, to beat. One who beats you on a horse trade.

Home is where the mortgage is. _

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