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The Foolish Dictionary, a non-fiction book by Gideon Wurdz |
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_ Time and tide wait for no man--But time always stands still for a woman of thirty. =NATURE= The author of "The Seasons," an interesting work over which Spring pours, Summer smiles, and Autumn turns the leaves while Winter catches the drift of it all. * * * * * =NECK= A close connection between chin and chest, used for the display of linen, silk, furs, jewelry and skin, fitted with gullet, windpipe, hunger and thirst, and devoted to the rubber industry. * * * * * =NEGRO= One who votes your way. =NIGGER= One who doesn't. * * * * * =NEIGHBOR= One who knows more about your affairs than yourself. * * * * * =NERVE= Breaking the hair-brush on the disobedient scion, then making him pay for a new one. See revised version, "Spare the rod and spoil the hair-brush!" * * * * * "=NEXT=" The barberous password to the heaven of the shaved and the unshaved. * * * * * =NIP= Something bracing from without or within When felt in the air, it's a frost. When found in a glass, a life saver. * * * * * =NOBILITY= A gang of foreign brigands having abducent designs on the American Damsel and the American Dollar. * * * * * =NON-CONDUCTOR= The motorman. * * * * * =NOSE= A prominent member of the face family, usually a Greek or Roman, who owns the shortest bridge in the world. He is often stuck up in company, but frequently blows himself when he has his grippe. Principal occupations, sniffling, snivelling, sneezing, snorting and scenting, intruding in the neighbors' affairs, stuffing himself without permission and bleeding for others. * * * * * =NOTE= (=PROMISSORY=) "The substance of things long hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." * * * * * =NOVEL= A fabric that is often (k)nit in print, though the yarn be well spun. * * * * * =NURSE= One who keeps setting up the drinks after you're all in. Out of the frying-pan into the face--Mothers' doughnuts. _ |
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