Home
Fictions/Novels
Short Stories
Poems
Essays
Plays
Nonfictions
 
Authors
All Titles
 






In Association with Amazon.com

Home > Authors Index > Mordecai Manuel Noah > She Would Be a Soldier; or, The Plains of Chippewa > This page

She Would Be a Soldier; or, The Plains of Chippewa, a play by Mordecai Manuel Noah

Act 2

< Previous
Table of content
Next >
________________________________________________
_ ACT II

SCENE I. York, in Upper Canada; a Tavern meanly furnished.

[Enter LAROLE, in pursuit of the chambermaid.]


LAROLE.
Come here, you littel demoiselle--you bootiful
sauvage, vy you run vay from me--hay?

MAID.
I wish you would let me alone, mounsure,
you officers' gentlemen are very disagreeable things.

LAROLE.
Disagreeable? ma foi! I am one joli garcon, one pretti batchelor; disagreeable? I vill tell you, ma belle grizette, I am maitre de mode, I give de lecons for dance, to speake de English, and de Francaise aussi; I can fence, aha! or fight de duel, or de enemi, je suis un soldat.

MAID.
Well, if you're a soldier, you have no business to be following
me up and down the house like a pet lamb. Why don't you go to camp?

LAROLE.
Camp? vat is de camp? Oho, le champ de bataille; I shall tell you, mademoiselle, I did fight at the bataille de Vittoria, com un diable, like littel devil. I did kill beaucoup d'Anglais. Mai my maitre, le capitain, he did give me a dam tump on my head wis his rapier, and did knock me down from on top of my horse, and make a me von prisonier.

MAID.
Poor fellow! And so, mounsure, you were made prisoner?

LAROLE.
Oui, ven I could not run avay, begar I surrender like von brave homme, and now I am jentiman to capitain Pendragoon; I do brus his coat, poudre his hair, and pull his corset tight, and ven he was order to come to Amerique, and fight wis de Yankee Doodel, begar me come too. I arrive ici, I am here, to make a littel de love to you.

MAID.
Well now, once for all, I tell you not to be
following me; I don't like Frenchmen--I can't parlyvoo.

LAROLE.
You no like de Frenchiman? O quell barbare! vy you ave von abominable gout, mademoiselle, von shockin taste. I shall tell you, mademoiselle, en my contree, en France, de ladies are ver fond of me. O beaucoup, I am so charmant--so aimable, and so jentee, I have three five sweetheart, ami de coeur, mai for all dat I do love you ver mush, par example.

MAID.
Let me go!

[Bell rings.]
There, your master calls you.

[Exit.]

LAROLE.
Dam de littel bell, I vill not come; mon maitre he always
interrupt me ven I make de love to the pretti ladi, he be
jealous, begar I vill not come.

[Exit opposite side.]

[Enter CAPTAIN PENDRAGON, dressed in the British uniform,
but in the extreme of fashion--throws himself into a chair.
]

PENDRAGON.
Oh, curse such roads! My bones are making their way out of their sockets--such vile, abominable, detestable--Waiter!--If my friends at Castle Joram only knew the excruciating fatigues which I am undergoing in this barbarous land--Why, waiter!--or if his highness the commander-in-chief was only sensible of my great sacrifices to--Why, waiter! where the devil are you?

[Enter WAITER.]

WAITER.
Here I be, sir.

PENDRAGON.
Why didn't you come when I first called? Do you think I've
got lungs like a hunter? I'm fatigued and hungry. Get me an
anchovy, a toast, and a bottle of old port.

WAITER.
A what, sir? an ancho--

PENDRAGON.
Yes, sir, an anchovy--small ones--delicate.

WAITER.
Why, sir, we don't know what these are in this country.

PENDRAGON.
The devil you don't! Then pray, sir, what have you to eat
in this damn'd house fit for a gentleman?

WAITER.
Why, sir, not much--the army eats us out of house
and home. We have some very excellent fresh bear meat, sir.

PENDRAGON.
Bear meat! Why, what the devil, fellow, do you take me for a Chickasaw, or an Esquimau? Bear meat! the honourable captain Pendragon, who never ate anything more gross than a cutlet at Molly's chop-house, and who lived on pigeons' livers at Very's, in Paris, offered bear meat in North America! I'll put that down in my travels.

WAITER.
Why, sir, it is considered here a great delicacy.

PENDRAGON.
The devil it is! Then pray, sir, what are your
ordinary fares, if bear's meat is considered a delicacy?

WAITER.
Why, truly, sir, this is but a young country, and we
have to live upon what we can catch. Pray, would you
fancy some 'possum fat and hominy?

PENDRAGON.
Oh, shocking! begone, fellow--you'll throw me into a
fever with your vile bill of fare. Get me a cup of
tea--mix it, hyson and souchong, with cream and muffins.

WAITER.
We can't give you any of those things, sir.--However, you
can have an excellent cup of sage tea, sweetened with honey.

PENDRAGON.
Sage tea! Why, you rascal, do you intend to throw me into a perspiration by way of curing my hunger? or do you take me for a goose or a duck, that you intend stuffing me with sage? Begone, get out, you little deformed fellow!

[Exit WAITER.]
I shall perish in this barbarous land--bear meat,
'possum fat, and sage tea! O dear St. James! I wish
I was snug in my old quarters. LaRole!

[Enter LAROLE.]
Where the devil do you hide yourself in this damn'd house? Why, I shall starve--there's nothing to eat, fit for a gentleman.

LAROLE.
Oui, monsieur, dis is von damn contree, I can find nosing
to eat. I did look into all de pantri, mai parbleu, I find
only a ver pretti demoiselle, mai, I could not eat her.

PENDRAGON.
We must be off to the camp, LaRole, my quarters there
will be infinitely more agreeable. I shall get the blue
devils in this cursed place.

LAROLE.
Vell, sair, I have all de devils ventre bleu, das you
can imagine; dere is no politesse, no respect, nosing paid to me.

PENDRAGON.
My fit of the blues is coming on me; sing me a song, LaRole.

LAROLE.
A chanson? Vell, sair, I shall sing to frighten avay de
littel blue devil; vill you I shall sing de English or de Francaise?

PENDRAGON.
Oh, English, by all means--curse your foreign lingo.

LAROLE.
Ahem! Ahem! you shall understand.


Vat is dis dull town to me,
Robin Hadair?
Vere is all de joys on earth, dat
Make dis town
--

[A bugle sounds without.]

Ha! what is dat? who de devil intrup me in my chanson?

INDIAN CHIEF.
[Speaks without.]

Have them all ready, with their rifles and tomahawks in order;
[Enters with another INDIAN.]
and you, Coosewatchie, tell our priests to take their stand on yonder hill, and as my warriors pass them, examine whether they have fire in their eyes.

[Exit INDIAN.]
How now, who have we here?

PENDRAGON.
[Examining him with his glass.]

Where the devil did this character come from?
he's one of the fancy, I suppose.

INDIAN.
Who and what are you?

PENDRAGON.
Who am I? Why, sir, I am the honourable captain Pendragon,
of his majesty's guards, formerly of the buffs.

INDIAN.
[Aside.]

The officer who is to be under my command. Well sir, you have lately arrived from across the great waters: How did you leave my father, the King of England?

PENDRAGON.
How! call my most gracious sovereign your father? Why, sir, you are the most familiar--impertinent--'sdeath! I shall choke--What the devil do you mean?

INDIAN.
[Coolly.]

What should I mean, young man, but to inquire after the health of my father, who commands my respect, who has honoured me with his favours, and in whose cause I am now fighting.

PENDRAGON.
Well, sir, if you have the honour to hold a commission from his majesty, I desire that you will speak of him with proper awe, and not call him your father, but your gracious master.

INDIAN.
Young man, the Indian warrior knows no master but the Great Spirit, whose voice is heard in thunder, and whose eye is seen in the lightning's flash; free as air, we bow the knee to no man; our forests are our home, our defence is our arms, our sustenance the deer and the elk, which we run down. White men encroach upon our borders, and drive us into war; we raise the tomahawk against your enemies, because your king has promised us protection and supplies. We fight for freedom, and in that cause, the great king and the poor Indian start upon equal terms.

PENDRAGON.
A very clever spoken fellow, pon honour; I'll patronise him.

LAROLE.
Parbleu, he is von very sensible sauvage; vill you take von pinch snuff?

INDIAN.
Pshaw!

LAROLE.
He say pshaw, I see he is born in de voods.

PENDRAGON.
And are you prepared to fan these Yankees?
We shall flog them without much fatigue, I understand.

INDIAN.
Not so fast, young soldier; these pale-faced enemies of ours fight with obstinacy; accustomed to a hardy life, to liberty and laws, they are not willing to relinquish those blessings on easy terms; if we conquer them, it must be by no moderate exertions: it will demand force and cunning.

PENDRAGON.
Oh, dry dogs, I suppose, not to be caught napping; well, I'm up to them, we'll fan them in high style; the ragged nabobs, I understand, are not far off, and our troops are in fine preservation.

INDIAN.
True, preparation must be made to meet them.
You are under my orders.

PENDRAGON.
The devil I am!

INDIAN.
Aye, sir; your general, at my request, has ordered you here to take command of a company of my warriors; but you must not appear in that dress: change it quickly, or they will not be commanded by you; they are men, and fight under the orders of men.

PENDRAGON.
Change my dress! why what the devil do you mean, sir?

INDIAN.
Mean? that you should appear in the ranks like a warrior, and not like a rabbit trussed for dressing--off with these garments, which give neither pleasure to the eye nor ease to the limbs--put on moccasins, wrap a blanket around you, put rings through your nose and ears, feathers in your head, and paint yourself like a soldier, with vermilion.

PENDRAGON.
Why, this is the most impertinent and presuming savage in the wilds of North America. Harkee, sir, I'd have you to know, that I am a man of fashion, and one of the fancy--formerly of the buffs, nephew of a peer of the realm, and will be a member of parliament, in time; an officer of great merit and great services, Mr.--Red Jacket. Paint my face, and fight without clothes? I desire, sir, that you will please to take notice, that I fought at Badahoz with the immortal Wellington, and had the honour to be wounded, and promoted, and had a medal for my services in that affair, Mr.--Split-log. Put rings in my nose? a man of taste, and the ne plus ultra of Bond-street, the very mirror of fashion and elegance? Sir, I beg you to observe, that I am not to be treated in this manner--I shall resent this insult. Damme, I shall report you to the commander-in-chief at the Horse Guards, and have you courtmartialled for unfashionable deportment--Mr.--Walk-in-the-Water.

INDIAN.
Come, come, sir, enough of this trifling; I do not
understand it; you have heard my orders--obey them,
or, after the battle, I'll roast you before a slow fire!

[Exit.]

LAROLE.
O le barbare! O de dam sauvage! dis is de most impertinent
dog in de vorld. Roast before de fire! Parbleu, mon maitre,
ve are not de littel pig.

PENDRAGON.
I'm horrified! lost in amazement! but I'll resent it.
Damme, I'll caricature him.

LAROLE.
Oh, I vish I vas fight encore at Saragossa, vis mi lor Villainton; par example, I did get some hard tumps, mai I did get plenti to eat; but ici I ave nosing but de little bear to mange.

PENDRAGON.
Come along--courage, LaRole. We'll fan the Yankee Doodles in our best style, and then get a furlough, and be off to White-Hall, and the rings in our noses will afford anecdotes for the bon-ton for a whole year. Allons.

[Exeunt.]

 


SCENE II. The American Camp at daybreak. The drum and
fife plays the reveille. Sentinels on duty before the tents.

[LENOX enters from the tent on the right, GENERAL and ADELA from the left.]


LENOX.
Good morning, general;
you are "stirring with the lark"--and you also, Adela.

GENERAL.
The times require the utmost vigilance, Lenox: the enemy cannot escape a battle now, and we must be prepared at all points to meet him. Decision and energy cannot fail to promote success.

ADELA.
And what is to become of me, father, in the battle? Am I to ride the old trooper again, and run the risk of having the tip of my nose carried away by a musket ball, and left on the field of battle in all my glory?

GENERAL.
You shall be taken care of, dear Adela; we will place
you in the rear, among the baggage-wagons.

ADELA.
And if they should be captured, I become also a prisoner, and probably a prize to some gallant Indian chief, who will make me his squaw, and teach me to kill deer. O delightful thought!

[Bugles sound.]

GENERAL.
The troops are under arms, and approaching.

[Quick march--the GENERAL, LENOX and ADELA pass to the left, and stand near the tent; the troops advance; CHRISTINE is among them, dressed in uniform; they pass round the stage in regular order, then form the line two deep; CHRISTINE is in front on the right, and keeps her eye fixed anxiously on LENOX; drum beats the roll; the troops come to an order, and then proceed through the manual by the tap of drum, and finally to a present; the GENERAL, LENOX, and other officers advance, and pass through the line in review; the flags wave, and the band strikes up "Hail Columbia."]

GENERAL.
Well--everything is right. And now, soldiers,
to your posts; remember, discipline, subordination,
courage, and country, and victory will be ours.

[GENERAL, LENOX and ADELA, enter the tent to the left. The troops march off. CHRISTINE and a SOLDIER, headed by a CORPORAL, return to relieve guard at each tent. Port arms and whisper the countersign. CHRISTINE is placed before the tent on the right, her comrade on the left. CORPORAL retires with the two relieved sentries. After a pause, she beckons to her comrade.]

CHRISTINE.
Hist--comrade!

SOLDIER.
Well, what is it?

CHRISTINE.
Will you exchange places? There is no difference
--and the sun will be too powerful for me presently.
Look, here is a dollar.

SOLDIER.
With all my heart.

[They cross quickly, the SOLDIER receives the money--CHRISTINE
now paces before the tent into which LENOX, ADELA and the GENERAL
have retired.
]

CHRISTINE.
Could I but see the false, perfidious LENOX, and upbraid him with his cruelty!

[She is in great uneasiness, pauses occasionally, and looks
into the tent--her comrade is watching her. LENOX sings within.
]


Shall the pleasures of life unknown fade away,
In viewing those charms so lovely and gay?
Shall the heart which has breath'd forth rapturous flame,
Be hid from the world and unsought for by fame?

Thus spoke the fond Roscoe to Scylla the fair,
As he gaz'd on her charms, with a love-soothing care:
Hear now the last wish, that fondly I sigh,
I'll conquer in love, or in battle I'll die.

He girded his armour and flew to the field,
Determin'd while life flow'd never to yield;
The foe was subdued, but death's cruel dart
Was aim'd at the valiant and fond Roscoe's heart:

But the blow was defeated--he lived to enjoy
The sight of his Scylla, no longer so coy,
And his laurels fresh bloom'd, as she smil'd on the youth,
And gave her fair hand in reward for his truth.


CHRISTINE.
Ha, that false voice! I can no longer bear it!

[Throws down her gun, and is about entering the tent, when
her comrade, who has been attentively regarding her movements,
rushes over and seizes her.
]

SOLDIER.
Where are you going?

CHRISTINE.
Unhand me this instant!

[Struggles.]

SOLDIER.
Guards, there!

[Enter an OFFICER with SOLDIERS, who attempts to seize
CHRISTINE--she draws her sword and stands on the defensive,
and after some resistance, escapes.
]

OFFICER.
Pursue him quickly!

[SOLDIERS pursue.]

SOLDIER.
He crosses the bridge.

OFFICER.
The sentinels will reach him with their guns.

[Muskets discharged.]

SOLDIER.
They have him--he is not hurt.

[GENERAL, ADELA and LENOX rush from the tent.]

GENERAL.
What means this confusion?

2ND OFFICER.
The sentinel who was placed here on duty, attempted, for some desperate purpose, to enter your tent; but being discovered, he refused to surrender, drew his sword on me and the guard, and, after some resistance, has been disarmed and secured.

LENOX.
Good heavens! What object could he have had?

2ND OFFICER.
I know not--but he is a new recruit, probably a spy from the enemy.

GENERAL.
It must be so--see that a court martial be called to try him, and bring the result to me without delay. If he is guilty, a dreadful example shall be made of him. Begone.

[Exeunt GENERAL, SOLDIERS, &c.]

 


SCENE III. Another Part of the Camp.

Enter JASPER, JERRY and PEASANTS.

JASPER.
Nowhere to be found. I have asked everybody in the camp
in vain--she is lost to me. Unhappy, cruel girl! to quit
her old and fond father thus.

JERRY.
Unhappy girl! to leave me in such an ungenteel manner
too, run away from me on my wedding day! but I'll find her out.

JASPER.
Impossible! we must return, dejected and disappointed.

JERRY.
I'll peep into every tent, bribe the sogers--I've got a little money left.

[JASPER and PEASANTS retire. CORPORAL crosses the stage.]

Hist, corporal!

CORPORAL.
Well, what would you?

JERRY.
Why no, sure--it isn't--yes, it is--why Corporal Flash,
how do you do? Don't you know me?

CORPORAL.
Can't say I do, sir.

JERRY.
Why, not know Jerry Mayflower? Don't you remember me at the battle of Queenstown, when you were in the boat and I on land, and you were crossing to fight Johnny Bull, and I didn't cross at all?

CORPORAL.
Oh, I remember you now--I remember calling
you a cowardly rascal at the time.

JERRY.
So you did--how have you been? I am very glad
to see you--you're not killed, I take it?

CORPORAL.
No, not exactly killed--but I was wounded--an honour
which you didn't seem to care much about.

JERRY.
No, not much; I'm not very ambitious that way.

CORPORAL.
What brings you to the camp, just when we are about having
another brush with the enemy--do you want to run away again?
Zounds! you deserve a round hundred at the halberts.

JERRY.
Yes, I deserve many things that I don't get--but pray,
corporal, mout you have seen a young woman in this here camp lately?

CORPORAL.
Oh, plenty, among the suttlers.

JERRY.
No, a kind of a pretty girl, a little lady-like,
parlyvoos, and carries her head up straight.

CORPORAL.
No--I've seen no such person.

JERRY.
Well, Corporal Flash, I've a little cash, and what say
you to a jug of whiskey punch? Brave men, you know, like
you and I, should drink with one another.

CORPORAL.
With all my heart; you're good for nothing else but to drink with.

JERRY.
Then come along, my boy; we'll drown care, raise
our spirits, and swallow the enemy in a bumper.

[Exeunt.]

 


SCENE IV. A Prison.

Enter two OFFICERS, GUARDS and CHRISTINE.
OFFICERS seat themselves at a table, with pens and ink.


1ST OFFICER.
Young man, come forward. You have been charged with an act of mutiny, and with an attempt, for some unknown cause, to force your way, with arms in your hand, into the tent of the commanding general. We are convened for your trial--we have examined the testimony; and as you are a stranger in our ranks, no feelings of prejudice could have given a false colouring to that testimony. What have you to say?

CHRISTINE.
Nothing.

OFFICER.
Nothing?

CHRISTINE.
Nothing!

[With firmness.]
I am guilty!

OFFICER.
Have a care, pause before you make this avowal of your guilt.

CHRISTINE.
[With settled firmness.]

I have considered it well, and am
ready to meet the consequences. I am guilty.

[With a burst of anguish.]
Oh, most guilty!

OFFICER.
Unhappy young man, what could have tempted
you to this act? Who set you on?

CHRISTINE.
Seek not to know the cause, 'tis buried here.
Do your duty--I am prepared for the result.

OFFICER.
[To the Board.]

The charge is fully admitted, and the rules of war prescribe the punishment. The object he had in view must yet be discovered; 'tis plain, however, that he is a spy, and has no hope of pardon. Record the verdict and sentence, for the inspection and concurrence of the general.

[OFFICER writes. The company rise from the table, and one
approaches CHRISTINE, who appears buried in thought.
]

OFFICER.
Young man, I deeply commiserate your unhappy situation, but
the rules of war are rigid, and must be enforced. You must prepare to die!

CHRISTINE.
[Starts, but recovers herself quickly.]

I am ready.

OFFICER.
I would offer you hope, but acts of mutiny, and when covering such suspicious motives as yours, cannot be pardoned. You have but a day to live. I deeply regret it, for you appear to have qualities which, in time, would have made you a valuable citizen. You are cut off in youth, probably from the hopes of a fond parent.

CHRISTINE.
[In agony.]

Oh, no more--no more!

OFFICER.
All the sympathy and indulgence which
can be offered you shall be yours! Farewell.

[Exit OFFICERS, GUARDS, &c.]

CHRISTINE.
At length 'tis concluded, and an ignominious death terminates my unmerited sufferings. Cruel father! and still more cruel Lenox! thus to have wounded the heart that loved you. Oh, what a situation is mine! separated from all I hold dear, sentenced to die, and in this disguise; to leave my poor father, and to know that death, alone, can tell my sad story. What's to be done? Discover all? No, no. Expose my weakness and folly--to see the false Lenox wedded to another, and I forced to accept the hand I loathe--to be pointed at for one who, lost to the delicacy of her sex, followed a perfidious lover in disguise, and, tortured by jealousy, enlisted, was mutinous, and sentenced to die; but who, to save a miserable life, avowed her situation, and recorded her disgrace at once? Never, never! let me die, and forever be forgotten--'tis but a blow, and it will end the pangs which torment me here.

[Enter a SOLDIER, who beckons.]
I am ready, lead the way.

[Exit.]

 


SCENE V. Another part of the Prison.

Enter the JAILOR, driving JERRY before him.

JAILOR.
In, in, you mutinous dog! do you come here to breed a riot in our camp?

JERRY.
Now, my dear good-natured jailor,
only have pity on me, and I'll tell you all about it.

JAILOR.
I won't hear you--didn't you breed a riot?

JERRY.
Why no, it was not me. I am as innocent as a young lamb.
I'll tell you how it was--come, sit down on this bench with me.

[They sit.]
You must know that I'm a farmer, pretty well off, as a body mout say, and I wanted a wife; hard by our village, there lived an old soger with a pretty daughter, so I courted the old man for his daughter, and he consented to the match.

JAILOR.
Well?

JERRY.
And so I got together all my neighbours, and, with music, went to the old soger's to get my sweetheart, when, lo and behold! after all my trouble, she refused me plump.

JAILOR.
No, did she?

JERRY.
Ay, indeed; she didn't seem stricken with the proposal--and for fear her father would force her to marry me, egad, she run away.

JAILOR.
And where did she go?

JERRY.
I can't say, but her father and a whole posse comitatus, as we justices call 'em, went in search of her to the camp, and when I came here, I found some of my old comrades who fought with me at Queenstown; and so having a little money, we went to take a comfortable pitcher of whiskey punch together, and so, while over our cups, they doubted my valour, and hinted that I run away before the battle.

JAILOR.
Well, and what did you do?

JERRY.
Why, I offered to fight 'em single-handed all round, and we got into a dispute, and so when my money was all gone, they tweaked my nose, boxed my ears, and kick'd me out of the tent. So I then kick'd up a row, and--that's all.

JAILOR.
A very pretty story, indeed! You look like a
mutinous dog--so come, get into the black hole.

JERRY.
Now, my dear jailor, do let me escape,
and I'll give you the prettiest little pig in my farmyard.

JAILOR.
What! bribe an honest and humane jailor, and with a pig? In with you.

JERRY.
Well, but I've nothing to eat--I shall be half starved.

JAILOR.
Oh no, you shall have something to employ your grinders on.

[Goes out, and returns with a black loaf, and a pitcher of water.]

There!

JERRY.
O dear, nothing else but black bread and cold water? Can't you get me a pickle?

JAILOR.
I think you're in a devil of a pickle already--come, get in!

[Removes a board from the scene,
which discovers a small dark hole. JERRY supplicates.
]

JERRY.
How long am I to be here, Mr. Jailor, in company with myself?

JAILOR.
That depends on your good behaviour.

[Cannon are heard.]
There! the battle has commenced.

JERRY.
[Putting his head out of the hole.]

O dear, what's that? The great guns are going off.
Are you sure, my dear jailor, that this prison is bomb proof?

JAILOR.
Take your head in, you great land turtle.

JERRY.
Oh, what will become of me? _

Read next: Act 3

Read previous: Act 1

Table of content of She Would Be a Soldier; or, The Plains of Chippewa


GO TO TOP OF SCREEN

Post your review
Your review will be placed after the table of content of this book