Trials Of A President Traveling Abroad

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Title:     Trials Of A President Traveling Abroad
Author: Christopher Morley [More Titles by Morley]

10 a.m.--Arrive at railway station. Welcomed by King and Queen. Hat on head. Umbrella left hand. Gloves on.

10:01--Right glove off (hastily) into left hand. Hat off (right hand). Umbrella hanging on left arm.

10:02--Right glove into left pocket. Hat to left hand. Shake hands with King.

10:03--Shake hands with Queen. Left glove off to receive flowers. Umbrella to right hand.

10:04--Shake hands with Prime Minister. Left glove in left hand. Umbrella back to left hand. Flowers in left hand. Hat in left hand.

10:05--Enter King's carriage. Try to drop flowers under carriage unobserved. Foreign Minister picks them up with gallant remark.

10:06--Shake hands with Foreign Minister. In his emotional foreign manner he insists on taking both hands. Quick work: Umbrella to right elbow, gloves left pocket, hat under right arm, flowers to right pocket.

10:08--Received by Lord Mayor, who offers freedom of the city in golden casket. Casket in left hand, Lord Mayor in right hand Queen on left arm, umbrella on right arm flowers and gloves bursting from pockets hat (momentarily) on head.

10:10--Delegation of statesmen. Statesmen in right hand. Hat, umbrella, gloves, King, flowers, casket in left hand. Situation getting complicated.

10:15--Ceremonial reception by Queen Mother. Getting confused. Queen Mother in left pocket, umbrella on head, gloves on right hand, hat in left hand, King on head, flowers in trousers pocket. Casket under left arm.

10:17--Complete collapse. Failure of the League of Nations.

[The end]
Christopher Morley's essay: Trials Of A President Traveling Abroad

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