Mr. Rabbit's Unwelcome Company

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Title:     Mr. Rabbit's Unwelcome Company
Author: Albert Bigelow Paine [More Titles by Paine]

MR. POLECAT MAKES A MORNING CALL AND MR. DOG DROPS IN

I THINK I shall have to tell you about Mr. Polecat, said the Story Teller, and about his visit to Mr. Rabbit.

"Who's Mr. Polecat?" said the Little Lady. "You never told me about him before."

Well, no, because you see Mr. Polecat is so queer in some of his ways that people even don't talk about him a great deal. He is really quite a nice gentleman, though, when he doesn't get excited. But when he does he loses friends.

The trouble is with the sort of perfumery he uses when he gets excited, just as some people use a smelling-bottle, and nobody seems to like the sort Mr. Polecat uses except himself. I suppose he must like it or he wouldn't be so free with it. But other people go away when he uses it--mostly in the direction the wind's blowing from--and in a hurry, as if they were afraid they'd miss a train. Even Mr. Dog doesn't stop to argue with Mr. Polecat. Nobody does, and all the other Deep Woods people do their best to make him happy and to keep him in a good humor whenever he comes about, and give him their nicest things to eat and a lot to carry home with him, so he'll start just as soon as possible.

But, more than anything, they try to keep him from saying anything about Mr. Dog, or hinting or even thinking about Mr. Dog, for when he does any of these things he's apt to get excited, and then sometimes he opens up that perfume of his, and his friends fall over each other to get out of reach. They're never very happy to see him coming, and they're always glad to see him go, even when he's had a quiet visit and goes pretty soon, which is just what didn't happen one time when he came to call on Jack Rabbit, and it's that time I'm going to tell about. This was before Mr. Dog made up with the Hollow Tree people; I don't know exactly how long before, but a good while.

Mr. Rabbit looked out his door one morning and there was Mr. Polecat, all dressed up, coming to see him. He wasn't very far off, either, and Mr. Rabbit hardly had time to jerk down a crayon picture of Mr. Dog that he'd made the day before, just for practice. He pushed it under the bed quick, and when Mr. Polecat came up he bowed and smiled, and said what a nice day it was, and that he'd bring a chair outside if Mr. Polecat would like to sit there instead of coming in where it wasn't so pleasant.

But Mr. Polecat said he guessed he'd come in, as it was a little chilly and he didn't feel very well anyway. So he came inside, and Jack Rabbit gave him his best chair and brought out a little table and put a lot of nice things on it that Mr. Polecat likes, and began right away to pack a basket for him to take home.

But Mr. Polecat didn't seem to be in any hurry to go. He ate some of the nice things, and then leaned back to talk and smoke, and told Mr. Rabbit all the news he'd heard as he came along, and Mr. Rabbit got more and more worried, for he knew that just as likely as not Mr. Polecat had heard something about Mr. Dog and would begin to tell it pretty soon, and then no knowing what would happen. So Jack Rabbit just said "Yes" and "No" and began to talk about Mr. Robin, because Mr. Robin was a good friend of everybody and nobody could get excited just talking about Mr. Robin. But Mr. Polecat says:--

"Oh, yes, I saw Mr. Robin as I came along, and he called to me that Mr. Dog--"

And then Jack Rabbit changed the subject as quick as he could and spoke about Mr. Squirrel, and Mr. Polecat says:--

"Oh, did you hear how Mr. Squirrel went over to Mr. Man's house and saw Mr. Dog there--"

And then poor Mr. Rabbit had to think quick and change the subject again to the Hollow Tree people, and Mr. Polecat said:--

"Oh, yes. I stopped by that way as I came along, and they called out to me from up stairs how you were practising drawing, and that you gave Mr. Dog some dancing lessons the other day, and then made a fine picture of him just as he looked when he danced into the hot coals, so I hurried right over here for just to see that picture."

Poor Mr. Rabbit! He didn't know what to do. He knew right away that the Hollow Tree people had told about the picture to get rid of Mr. Polecat, and he made up his mind that he'd get even with them some day for getting him in such a fix. But some day was a long ways off and Mr. Polecat was right there under his nose, so Mr. Rabbit said, just as quick as he could say it, that the Hollow Tree people were always making jokes, and that the picture was just as poor as it could be, and that he'd be ashamed to show it to anybody, much more to a talented gentleman like Mr. Polecat. But that made Mr. Polecat all the more anxious to see it, for he was sure Mr. Rabbit was only modest, and pretty soon he happened to spy the edge of the picture frame under Mr. Rabbit's bed, and just reached under and pulled it out, before Mr. Rabbit could help himself.

Well, he picked up that picture and looked at it a minute, and Jack Rabbit began to back off toward the door and say a few soothing words, when all at once Mr. Polecat leaned back and commenced to laugh and laugh at the funny picture Mr. Dog made where Mr. Rabbit called to him, "Dance! Mr. Dog; dance!" And then, of course, Mr. Rabbit felt better, for if his company thought it was funny and laughed there wasn't so much danger.

"Why," said Mr. Polecat, "it's the best thing I ever saw! You could almost imagine that Mr. Dog himself was right here, howling and barking and dancing."

"Oh, no, hardly that," said Mr. Rabbit. "Of course I suppose it is a little like him, but it's not at all as if he were here, you know--not at all--and he's ever so far off, I'm sure, and won't come again for a long time. You know, he's--"

"Oh, yes, it is!" declared Mr. Polecat. "It's just as if he were right here. And I can just hear him howl and bark, and--"

And right there Mr. Polecat stopped and Mr. Rabbit stopped, and both of them held their breath and listened, for sure enough they did hear Mr. Dog howling and barking and coming toward the house as straight as he could come.

Jack Rabbit gave a jump right up in the air, and hollered, "Run! Mr. Polecat, run! and go the back way!" But Mr. Polecat never runs from anybody--he doesn't have to--he just opens up that perfume of his and the other people do the running. So Mr. Rabbit gave one more jump, and this time he jumped straight up the chimney, and didn't stop till he got to the roof, where he found a loose board and put it over the chimney quick and sat down on it. Then he called to Mr. Dog, who was coming lickety split through the woods:--

"Why, how are you, Mr. Dog? Glad to see you! Walk right in. There's company down stairs; just make yourself at home till I come down." You see there was no use to stop him now, because Mr. Rabbit could tell by what was coming up the chimney that it was too late, and he wanted Mr. Dog to get a good dose of it as well as himself.

And Mr. Dog did come just as hard as he could tear, for the wind was blowing toward the house and he couldn't detect anything wrong until he gave a great big jump into Mr. Rabbit's sitting room and right into the midst of the most awful smell that was ever turned loose in the Big Deep Woods.

Well, it took Mr. Dog so suddenly that he almost fainted away. Then he gave a howl, as if a wagon had run over his tail, and tumbled out of that sitting room and set out for home without once stopping to look behind him. Then Mr. Rabbit laughed and laughed, and called:--

"Come back, Mr. Dog! Come back and stay with us. Mr. Polecat's going to spend a week with me. Come back and have a good time."

But Mr. Dog didn't stop, and he didn't seem to hear, and by and by Mr. Polecat called up that he was going home and that Mr. Rabbit could come down now, for Mr. Dog was gone and wouldn't come back, he guessed. But Mr. Rabbit said no, he didn't feel very well yet, and guessed he'd stay where he was for the present, and that if Mr. Polecat was going he might leave both doors open and let the wind draw through the house, because he always liked to air his house after Mr. Dog had been to see him. Then Mr. Polecat took his basket and went, and Jack Rabbit didn't come down for a long time, and when he did he couldn't stay in his house for the awful smell. So he went over to stay a week with the Hollow Tree people, and his clothes didn't smell nice, either, but they had to stand it, and Mr. Rabbit said it served them right for getting him into such a fix. It was over a week before he could go back to his house again, and even then it wasn't just as he wanted it to be, and he aired it every day for a long time.

But there was one thing that made him laugh, and that was when he heard from Mr. Robin how Mr. Dog got home and Mr. Man wouldn't have him about the house or even in the yard, but made him stay out in the woods for as much as ten days, until he had got rid of every bit of Mr. Polecat's nice perfumery.

[The end]
Albert Bigelow Paine's short story: Mr. Rabbit's Unwelcome Company

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